Hawkeye Sayz: The Calling: Cthulhu Chronicles #1

Welcome back for another installment of Hawkeye Sayz, where Mini-Hawkeye provides short, spoiler-free reviews of recent comics that he swipes from my read pile. Today he'll be reviewing the first issue of BOOM! Studios' The Calling: Cthulhu Chronicles.


Not that long ago, BOOM! Studios was publishing these amazing books inspired by the Cthulhu Mythos (which is largely in the public domain), the best being Fall of Cthulhu.  Most of them were written by Michael Alan Nelson, an amazing horror writer and huge Lovecraft fan.  When Fall of Cthulhu ended there was a dry spell while BOOM! pushed into the realm of children's comics with their Disney/Pixar licensing deals.  While those titles are still selling well, they have finally returned to the dark depths of the abyss with a new Cthulhu book once again written by Michael Alan Nelson.

As soon as I found out there was a new Cthulhu book with Nelson writing I added it to my pull list.  Yeah, I'm a fan.  Understandably, I had high hopes for this book.  Quite frankly, this one issue is so much better than just about any Fall of Cthulhu issue that it's ridiculous.  Seriously, this is so good I actually exclaimed with glee at how scary it is.  Twice.  No joke.  Ask my wife, she was there giving me frightened looks.

Enough from me, lets hear what Hawkeye Sayz!


Dude, I told you it was scary!

If you're a fan of Cthulhu/Lovecraft or horror comics in general, do yourself a solid favor and pick this book up!

Shrink Down and Get Inside That Woman! It's the Only Way!

Avengers v3 #71 (2003) is pretty gross.


Sweet Zombie Jesus, I hope that's sweat on Hank Pym's body...

That level of trash is pretty much maintained throughout the issue. Then this great (ie. vomit inducing) scene happens.


I would like to point out that Whirlwind is standing on top of a building. As a result of Hank Pym's poor decisions, all children and 67.8% of the adults in the top three floors of said building have been irreparably traumatized. Seriously, none of them could ever look at Snuffleupagus again without entering a catatonic state!

"Earth's Mightiest" indeed!

Hawkeye Sayz: Nightcrawler #1

Welcome back for another installment of Hawkeye Sayz, where Mini-Hawkeye provides short, spoiler-free reviews of recent comics that he swipes from my read pile. Today he'll be reviewing the first of a four part miniseries, Nightcrawler #1.


Wait a minute! Hawkeye, this comic was published in 1985! You can't review this!


Well yeah, I recently picked up the whole series from my comic shop's back issue bin, but it's not "recent". You see where it says "recent" in the description?!


I don't care! The point of this segment is to review NEW books! I write snarky shit about old comics all the time! This site is full of that crap! Your job is to write reviews for new comics. For shit sake, I can't even get you to write more than a sentence usually, and now you want to start reviewing old books?! No way!


...


Fine. Just this one time. This had better be good!


Yeah, fine. Go ahead.




... that's it?


Now you're just screwing with me.


NO YOU WON'T!!!

Hawkeye & Mockingbird #1

If you happened to pick up the amazingly awesome Hawkeye & Mockingbird #1 this past week, and you happened to read the letters column in the back, you probably spotted the following.


Yup, that's me!

I asked Mini Hawkeye to do a review, but it amounted to 45 minutes of him screaming in joy to be the star of such an excellent ongoing series. Most of it wasn't even coherent. I did gather he especially liked the "Pym particle" part.

2000 AD via Book Depository (Review)

As I have lamented many times on this blog, it is very hard to get 2000 AD graphic novels in the USA. This will be made much better soon thanks to new US editions of many 2000 AD books (I'm keeping a running list of the announced books for your shopping convenience). Of course, not all books from the enormous 2000 AD library will be made available in the US, at least not at first. What about the others? Well, one reader of this blog was kind enough to point me in the direction of The Book Depository, a UK company that offers FREE SHIPPING on all books to just about anywhere on Earth. Their prices are also comparable to Amazon.com prices for many titles, making acquiring 2000 AD books no less affordable than any other graphic novels! I recently received my first order from Book Depository and wanted to let you all know how it went, and my feelings on getting 2000 AD from them.

For my first order, I got myself copies of Invasion! and The Best of Tharg's Future Shocks. I picked these two in particular because out of all the 2000 AD books I really wanted, I considered these two to be the least likely to have new US editions anytime soon. For instance, they have already announced that the Complete Judge Dredd will be included in the new US editions, so I refrained from getting any Dredd books.

First off, pricing. These two books are your standard size graphic novels, reproduced in the original B&W on glossy paper. They're each about $16 (US$, of course), including the free shipping, so I think you can agree that's a good price. The website says that shipping to the North America typically takes 7-10 working days, which probably would have been the case had this not happened:


Yup, the Icelandic Volcano Of Death erupted. The above picture was taken on 17 April 2010, and I had placed my order on 14 April. Yup. Since the books come via air mail from the UK I was screwed. I can't feel to bad though, I mean I was just waiting for books. Many people were waiting to get home. So I had to wait.

But, my books came. Huzzah! But then, one of them was defective...

Yup, my copy of Invasion! had a printing error. It was missing about 10 pages from the front, and there was a binding problem in the back of the book. I want to say two things about this. 1) Until you opened the book, you couldn't tell anything was wrong with it. Thus, I can't imagine anyone would have knowingly sent me a defective book. 2) I had a similar thing happen with Amazon a few years ago, so at this point Book Depository had as good customer service as Amazon, which I think is a pretty high standard.

I sent a (polite) email to Book Depository explaining the problem and requesting they replace my book. They promptly replied, apologized, and sent a new one my way, free of charge. Because of the shipping complexities they told me they didn't want the original one back. I think I'm going to use it in a craft project I've been meaning to start.

How long did it take to get the replacement book? I got it in the mail eight days after I sent my request for replacement. Clearly they rushed it out the door that day, so I think their 7-10 working day shipping quote is quite accurate.

So my overall review is very positive! I will definitely order from Book Depository again. If there are US editions of the books coming out I will get those though, since I definitely want to help show Rebellion (2000 AD's parent company) that there is a market over here. Oh, I also learned that Icelandic volcanoes are formidable foes.

One comment about prices though. If you are looking to get a book on Book Depository I suggest doing the following: bookmark the page for the book, then check the price on it every day for two weeks or so. I have noticed a decent daily price fluctuation on the site, worse than Amazon has. If you don't care about $2-$4 dollars then you can skip this step, but I'm pretty cheap and patient. Once you have an idea what the lowest price is, order it the next time it hits that price. Just a tip.

Also, Book Depository has this kind of creepy, very British, thing on their website. It's this thing that lets you "watch people shop" in real-time. What it actually does is show you recently submitted orders and where they are going to on a map of the world. Kind of neat, kind of creepy. Here is my order. Click to see the world map.


As you can see, it doesn't report any personal info, so it's not really a privacy thing. I don't know, it's just weird.

So if you are in need of zarjaz thrills, The Book Depository is an excellent dealer!

Hawkeye Sayz: Invincible Iron Man #25

Welcome back for another installment of Hawkeye Sayz, where Mini-Hawkeye provides short, spoiler-free reviews of recent comics that he swipes from my read pile. Today he'll be taking a look at Invincible Iron Man #25.

I haven't really been a fan of Matt Fraction's Invincible Iron Man series since... well... pretty much the first issue. There were a few parts that I liked here and there, but he makes these ridiculously long story arcs for starters. I mean seriously, a 12 part story arc? What the hell Universe shattering story are you telling that it takes you 12 parts? Armor Wars was only eight parts (if you include the epilogue, which I don't)! Sorry, I got off topic there.

Anyway, this is the first post-Siege Iron Man story. It sets up what Tony will be like since he did that thing to his brainz in the last Iron Man arc (I take "spoiler free" seriously). It is also the debut of the NEW IRON MAN ARMOR! Which got a rediculous amount of hype. There was a press release.

Seriously.

You see the cover to this issue? You see the armor? It's fucking new Iron Man armor. Add it to the shelf and move on.

Sorry, I got distracted again.

The main problem with this issue, and the series in general, is that Fraction tries to do this mix of comic book and movie continuity. It's like he's never read any Iron Man comics and just saw the movies. First movie: villain is Obadiah Stane. Fraction's comic: the new villain is Ezekiel Stane, Obadiah's son that came from who the fuck knows where. Second movie: villain is Justin Hammer. Fraction's comic: new villain is Justin Hammer's wife and daughter, who we've never seen before but are well established in the Marvel U. What is Justin Hammer's wife's name? Why would that matter, you ask? She's not a supervillain. Any old name could

It's Justine Hammer.

I. Shit. You. Not.

Bleh. Now I'm all pissed off and I think this post got away from me. Let's just see what Hawkeye Sayz.

5 Minute Marvels

Fellow snarky comic book blogger Marvel Smart Ass (check it out, he's awesome) has a second blog where he posts pictures of art he draws with his two daughters every night. The site has grown into a contribution site where anyone can send in art that they do with kids, as long as you only take five minutes to do it! I love this site! I check it out every day, and I suggest you do to. A lot of the art they send in has a lot of heart. Maybe it's just the father in me, but almost every picture makes me smile.

Why am I telling you about this now? Well, it was a recent submission to the site that I knew I just had to share.


That turtle is so awesome I can't even express it.

Go to 5 Minute Marvels and start absorbing the awesome. Do it now.

And Marvel Smart Ass, keep on doing what you do, because you have a heart of gold and are an awesome dad.

Contributing Blogger

I'm now a contributing blogger over at Have A Nerdgasm! I'll be providing comic book trade paperback reviews on a monthly basis (posted toward the end of the month) and will be starting a "movies you might have missed" Netflix review column that will post around the 15th of every month. My first TPB review is up for The Big Book of Barry Ween.

If you're wondering, this won't change any of the content here. I'll still be doing the same stuff just as often. The Nerdgasm stuff is different, as I've refrained from doing any in depth reviews here in the past.

So go check it out! And keep checking out Have A Nerdgasm for all the news that's fit for nerds!

Hawkeye Sayz: S.H.I.E.L.D. #1

Welcome back for another installment of Hawkeye Sayz, where Mini-Hawkeye provides short, spoiler-free reviews of recent comics that he swipes from my read pile. Today he'll be reviewing the much hyped S.H.I.E.L.D. #1.


This is Hickman doing what he does best: telling epic stories that not only leave you anxious to discover all you can about this world, but also stories that are compelling in single issue format. Indeed, Hickman is a master at making every page of a story compelling in the here and now, while simultaneously presenting you with bits of (in this case) a century spanning epic storyline. I was really excited about this book when it was announced, and I was not disappointed AT ALL! Major accolades must go to Weaver's art as well. Absolutely amazing. I found myself lost in the detail and beauty of every page. This comic would be a bargain at twice the cover price! Lets see what Hawkeye Sayz.


If you're interested in a (slightly) more spoilery review, the CBR review seems to be the most popular one floating around right now. The reviewer has basically the same opinion as Hawkeye and me concerning this book.

GO BUY THIS NOW!!!

Hawkeye Sayz: Sparta U.S.A. #1

Welcome back for another installment of Hawkeye Sayz, where Mini-Hawkeye provides short, spoiler-free reviews of recent comics that he swipes from my read pile. Today he'll be reviewing Sparta U.S.A. #1.


I picked this up based on lots of good reviews I saw on the intarwebs. It's ostensibly about a town called Sparta in heartland America... but something motha fuckin' creepy is going on is this town! Page 2 caused one eyebrow to raise. Page 4 caused the other one to shoot up there. The rest is just compellingly creepy. Definitely getting added to my pull list.

Let's see what Hawkeye Sayz!


Pick it up if you like creepy, off-kilter tales in everyday settings!

Hawkeye Sayz: Avengers: The Initiative #33

Welcome back for another installment of Hawkeye Sayz, where Mini-Hawkeye provides short, spoiler-free reviews of recent comics that he swipes from my read pile. Today he'll be taking a look at Avengers: The Initiative #33.


This issue continues the Initiative tie-in with Siege, although here we see different points in the greater story, not just focusing on Taskmaster's perspective like in issue #32 (although that was an excellent story). This was an all-around extremely entertaining issue, as I've come to expect from The Initiative. Let's see what Hawkeye Sayz!


If you don't understand what Hawkeye means, you'll just have to pick up Avengers: The Initiative #33!

Hawkeye Sayz: Iron Man: I Am Iron Man

Welcome back for another installment of Hawkeye Sayz, where Mini-Hawkeye provides short, spoiler-free reviews of recent comics that he swipes from my read pile. Today he'll be reviewing the two-part Iron Man: I am Iron Man movie adaptation.


Okay, I admit I'm embarrassed to have blown $8 on this. The story is incredibly rushed because it crams a two hour movie into 64 pages, but the art is quite nice and saves this comic from being complete crap. There is also a little bit of extra content with Nick Fury and S.H.I.E.L.D. acting behind the scenes, which was neat. Let's see what Hawkeye Sayz.


I think I actually had that coming.

Hawkeye Sayz: Resurrection #8

Welcome back for another installment of Hawkeye Sayz, where Mini-Hawkeye provides short, spoiler-free reviews of recent comics that he swipes from my read pile. Today he'll be taking a look at Resurrection v2 #8.


This issue got a lot of buzz on the internet because of the Chris Sims backup story. I was glad for the press because I've been a fan of Resurrection since v1 #1 hit stands back in 2007, and sometimes it feels like I'm the only person that reads it! This is actually a good jumping on point in the story, so I'm really hopeful that most people that picked it up for the Chris Sims story will stick with it. I'd say this issue was great, but I honestly think they are all great! What do I know? Let's see what Hawkeye Sayz!


There you have it! The tiny Avenger has spoken!

Hawkeye Sayz: The Indomitable Iron Man

Welcome back for another installment of Hawkeye Sayz, where Mini-Hawkeye provides short, spoiler-free reviews of recent comics that he swipes from my read pile. Today he'll be taking a look at The Indomitable Iron Man One-Shot.


I personally really liked this issue. It had some well written and illustrated stories, and did fairly well with the black & white printing. Actually, it felt a lot like an Iron Man centric issue of 2000 AD; the stories were sometimes over the top, but really entertaining. Enough from me, let's see what Hawkeye Sayz.


...I guess that means he liked it? If you aren't familiar with "TFU", then you must not be a fan of Spaced.

Hawkeye Sayz: Invincible Iron Man #23

Welcome to the first installment of Hawkeye Sayz, where Mini-Hawkeye provides short, spoiler-free reviews of recent comics that he swipes from my read pile. To usher in this segment he has chosen Invincible Iron Man #23.


I liked this one because of a particularly funny bit between Pepper Potts and Maria Hill, but lets see what Hawkeye Sayz.


There you have it! See you next time.

Of Iron Man 158, Fat Jokes, and Creepy, Creepy People

I had a feeling I was in trouble when I saw the cover.


Now, when I can come up with no fewer than five snarky comments based on the cover alone, you know it's going to be a tough read.

Iron Man #158 (1982) is written by Denny O'Neil, who's pre-Obadiah Stane work was often pretty bad, and illustrated by Carmine Infantino, whose art I didn't really enjoy on his previous runs on Iron Man. I just don't think Infantino is a good Iron Man artist. But he takes it to a whole new low in this issue by drawing the FATTEST IRON MAN EVER.


My god, what a fatty.

As you'd expect, a number of things in this issue just don't make sense. For instance, why are Iron Man parts floating around this room?


And you really have to have a firm grip on the character of Tony Stark to write this scene:


"A woman? Bah, I got to get my backgammon on!" GAY.

Things go from dumb to downright disturbingly twisted when yet another fatty shows up.


You know what? That's just wrong. Ew. Everything about this is just, ew. Meanwhile, crazy-jawline-Tony is playing backgammon with that Monopoly guy:


The crapfest then serves up a sexual innuendo so good, I don't even know what the hell it's supposed to mean. But I'm SURE it's an innuendo for something, because it's just too weird otherwise.



So Tony goes to investigate the creepy mountain full of creepy cougars and home to the creepier fatty. Of course, he has to change into his Iron Man armor on the way, but he decides to do weird things with it before he puts it on...


Why is he making the armor grab his moobs like that? What the hell kind of comic book is this?! Oh wait, the comic just answered my question.


Stanky. The Stanky Institute. Presumably founded by (god help me) Professor Stanky.

Stanky.

Stanky.

I want to be clear. It is only for my great love of Iron Man comics that I forge on at this point. One day I will say "I have read every issue of Iron Man." But now I can add "even THAT one."


I do things to people all the time. But never anything as heinous as making them read this issue in it's entirety!

Apart from bizarre sexual innuendos, this whole comic feels like nothing but filler.


Well as long as you're willfully wasting my time, why don't you show us all the boring things the Iron Man armor can do?







Wow, I sure am glad I know you can do all that boring crap. I wish you'd just stop already!


Woah, sorry about that. Hey, isn't it time for a gratuitous fat joke?



So Iron Man's armor gets incapacitated by some sort of psychic energy ray thing from the old lady... you know, this issue is so far gone it doesn't even matter. He has to take his helmet off. That's all that matters. But he can still walk even though his suit has no power and weights a ton... forget it.

So he goes into the cave and finds the old woman and does something else REALLY creepy.


What is up with the pedophile smile?! Seriously! "I'd better not wake her"? Oh my GOD! Somebody please STOP HIM!


Phew! Thanks creepy fat kid. You just saved your mom from creepy Tony Stark. Now you can experiment on her / torture her all you... oh.

Fatty throws Tony down a well hole or something (it's probably the septic tank, given the direction this comic is going), at which point Tony expresses the EXACT feeling that everyone reading this comic has.


Yes, Denny O'Neil, may we ask why?

So Tony finds a crack in the wall of the "water hole" that is too small for Iron Man to fit through. So he takes off his armor and finds that he can just barely fit through it. I guess if Infantino hadn't drawn Iron Man as such a fatty on page 3 he would have fit. Anyway, the crack leads to a nearby lake or something (???) and Tony emerges safe and sound. As you can imagine, he heads back to kick the fat kid's ass.


Ah, motherly love.

And also, stank.