Friday, April 9, 2010

Shrink Down...; Iron Man #203

Greetings, True Believers!

We members of the Mighty Marvel Marching Society know there there are many Mighty Marvel M... um... Traditions. One of the most illustrious is the concept of the "flawed superhero". But perhaps most ridonculous of the Mighty Marvel Traditions is the idea that in order to hack into a computer system you literally have to shrink down teeny weeny and physically get inside it. I've seen this happen in so many Marvel comics that I feel compelled to catalog these instances in a segment I reluctantly call

Shrink Down and Get Inside That Computer!
It's the Only Way!

Here's how this works: I'll provide you the Who, What, When, and Why for every instance of SDGITCITOW. You might be wondering "But Dok, what about 'Where' and 'How'?" Well screw you! "Where" is boring and the "How" is almost always Hank Pym. Now let's get started!

The first candidate for maximum shrinkage? Who else but Iron Man?!

Who: Old Shell-Head himself

When: Iron Man v1 #203 (1986)

What: some boring financial computer

Why: It all goes back to Obadiah Stane...

Maybe not, indeed!

So Tony goes to see Hank Pym and get some of his anti-Viagra so he can get "physically inside the computer". Keep in mind that this means he is literally the size of an electron.

So that's what it looks like inside my credit union's mainframe? No wonder they have such shitty interest rates! Look at all that empty real estate!

So Tony battles the "ermarks" (which is a blatantly made-up word comprised of the financial term "earmark" but without the first "a") and gets a really funky lesson in quantum physics.

I'm not sure what happened, but it's clear that that didn't work for shit!

Of course, since this is Tony Stark we're talking about, he gets all his money back because it would just be sad if he didn't.

I'm sorry to say that there will be a next time. See you then.

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