Thursday, October 29, 2009

My Greatest Experiment is a Success!

After years of longing, my greatest experiment has finally come to fruition. I have successfully created a tiny genetic offspring! Yes, I now have in my possession an individual that is based upon 50% of my genetic makeup. After an (approximately) nine month incubation process, the "child" (as they are colloquially referred to) was surgically removed from the co-donor. I was also pleased to learn that the 50% of my DNA contained within this tiny human includes what goes between the bipedal locomotive units! Victory!

Despite my original idea to refer to my male offspring as "Andlings" (female being "Lizlets"), we have chosen to name the child "Xavier". Xavier (aka "The Professor"), exceeded our expectations and emerged with a mass of 4.45 kg (or in English units: 9 lbs 13 oz), and in excellent health and possessing superior strength. As soon as he was birthed he had the ability to lift and turn his enormous cranium, which is a trait that lesser humans develop only after several weeks of life. This ability was described by one nurse to me as "creepy", but I expected no less from my tiny genetic offspring.

In the future, we will endeavour to create an offspring of the female variety, so as to have a matched set.

Addendum: Upon returning home with Xavier we quickly discovered that his favorite lullaby is the Battlestar Galactica Soundtrack (Season 4). He also appears to be a fan of Berlioz and Death Metal. Thus far he is largely indifferent to Blues, and appears to actively dislike Classic Rock. I played "Johnny B. Goode" for him and he began to protest violently almost immediately. Further experimentation is required.

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